I take too much in the Saturday night... hey, hey... hey, baby, tell me you can't hear me calling... I'm in a trance... I wanna try and stop this life...

So, I'm on supplements now. Prescribed by, I kid you not, my psychiatrist. I am now taking L-Theanine (an amino acid found in a lot of black teas) and Valerium Root Extract (which smells like catfish bait). They are designed to help with my anxiety, IBS, stress, and sleep problems. I am also supposed to be taking a B-Complex vitamin supplement (for energy), but I haven't gotten around to that yet. I picked those three off a laundry list of supplements given to me by said psychiatrist. I like my decisions.

My stomach has been doing pretty well. I think the supplements, in combination with knowing I can use Xanex if I need it, has helped dramatically. I haven't been using Xanex very often, either. In fact, I haven't used it for at least as far back as Tuesday (or Monday, I can't remember). I think I may have avoided this round of colds so far, though I may be misreading the allergies I'm having. I finally got my monthly nature's wrath. Ick. -.- Unfortunately, that means, I'll prolly still have it (albeit lightly) during the Out to Work Conference. Yay.

Good news: I get to keep my pretty Canon Rebel DSLR all semester thanks to some dealings with the IT department. I got on the front page of the paper this past week by using it. I'm going to take pictures of former Jersey Governor Whitman on Monday. I also took some more random pictures of mushrooms, a sunset, etc. that you can find on my deviantArt account, if you're interested. I've also made significant headway on my first short story (for my short story class, not ever). It's a little simple for me, but I like it. I'm not used to a short story being under 20 pages... she wants 6-10 pages double spaced. Way too short, lol.

I've discovered that this year feels a bit lonelier than last year. Part of it is probably that I have a single this year. Part of it is likely that Jimmy's schedule doesn't synch up with mine as well this year. Part of it could just be the fact that I'm having fewer stomach problems but more anxiety problems. Hell, part of it could be the looming idea that I'm going to graduate in less than a year, and, upon doing so, likely lose contact with the vast majority of the people I consider friends. Or, maybe I'm just being needy (and PMSy). Whatever the reason, I would really like to cut this feeling out of my life. PLZKTNX.

The GALA (Gay And Lesbian Alumni) Reception is in an hour. The Budget Meeting for Allies is tomorrow at 3, and we'll be working it out tonight at 8. The Rainbow Sherbet Social in on Oct. 10th. The semester is in full swing again. I'm not excited in the slightest. It's my Grandfather's birthday today. Happy birthday, Grampa. I called him today. It was nice to talk to him.

I need a vacation already.

I feel so sad... I'm feeling down... on the radio the music plays... "I'm in love with her, and I feel fine"... I close my eyes... I think today is getting better with a sip of wine... and I can stand it for a while...

異常部位 (Location): In a Trance 気分の状態 (Mood): Lonely 音楽療法 (Music): Scorpions - In Trance, Dave Matthews Band - Don't Drink the Water

Beneath the summer moon... I will return again... sure as the dust that floats high and true... when movin' through Kashmir...

So, totally haven't posted in a bunch of weeks. I knows, le suck. Anyway, started class, got into the swing of things, doing well, I suppose. I ended up meeting with the campus psychiatrist, and she prescribed Xanex (a sedative), instead of an Anti-Depressant/Anxiety pill. The latter could cause stomach/digestive problems (like hell I need more of that), or it could remove even more of my non-existent sex drive. So, Xanex became the best option. I've taken it a few times, and it seems to help.

Unfortunately, I took it last night right before the first Allies meeting, which ended up being only a few hours... before a drinking game back at the house. The game is called Kings. Needless to say, I got way drunker way quicker because of the drug interaction... so the night was overly strange, lol. Otherwise, the first meeting went extraordinarily well. We had more than 40 people show up, and all seemed excited and happy to be there. I'm told there are a dozen more that intend to come at the next meeting and couldn't do it because of scheduling problems this week. We may have to use the BSU meeting room way more often.

Gettysburgian is going all right. I've been helping Kelly with new layout ideas (such as a brand new "Gettysburgian" header, and rounded boxes), and I'm definitely thinking my First-Year writer Kaitlin is going to be my replacement. She even made a Bruce Springsteen reference in her column for this past week. Submission has been fairly weak and slow otherwise, though, and I have had no true contributing pieces, yet.

On the 26th, I'll be going to a conference in DC called "Out to Work". It's a GLBT professional conference. I'll be going with three other 21-year-olds. We're gonna rock that shit. It'll be me, Dave, Rebecca, and Mark. Gay clubs/bars, here we come.

I took out a pretty camera from the library. You can learn more about that here. I'm glad to be back. Once again, I'll try to update more often.

With no provision but an open face... along the straits of fear...

異常部位 (Location): MAH NEW SINGLE, BITCHES 気分の状態 (Mood): Chemically Happy 音楽療法 (Music): Led Zeppelin - Kashmir

About tomorrow... and all the pain and sorrow, running free? 'Cause tomorrow's just another day... and I don't believe in time...

So, I will back in Gettysburg tomorrow (24th). Miss me? I missed you guys. I can't wait to see you all. If you're already in/will be in shortly, let me know so we can hang out. I'm going to try and take it easy this week before classes start. I have 3 major nightly appointments with the Gettysburgian (including one tomorrow night... ick). I love how more is expected even though the money has dried up. Oh well. I also have (thankfully) a massage appointment, a therapy appointment, and (OMG) an appointment with Gavin Foster of IT to discuss adding a gay-oriented TV channel to the listings. It'll be too late to see the finale of Shear Genius, but I may be able to get Bravo in time for Project Runway's finale. (I'm obviously not doing this just to watch my shows, as there is clearly a diversity/equality reason behind it... but how awesome would it be if we could have an Allies House Project Runway season finale party?!)

Been packing most of today. Got a surprising amount of stuff accomplished. Will be back before 4 tomorrow (as 4 is when they will no longer be handing out keys to early students for the day). I know far fewer people than usual will be around when I get there, unfortunately, but I'm trying not to be too upset about that. I've had a giant knot in my shoulder and arm for the better part of half a week, so I'm welcoming that massage. Center for Career Development is okay with me now over the externship disaster.

I've been spending most of my time up until this point on deviantArt, and I even did my first feature and news article. It's about koi fish! I'm going through a faze. The first collage under the photo part of the feature is mine! I tooks it at the new Koi and Pond supply place in my town. I'm trying not to be too nervous for going back, and I AM excited. See you soon!

Time, I don't understand... children killing in the street... dying for the colour of red...

異常部位 (Location): On the Move 気分の状態 (Mood): Anxious 音楽療法 (Music): Hootie and the Blowfish - Time

Hell within...

So, I officially hate my body. No, I'm not having personal image issues... my digestive system, specifically. As most of you already know, I have IBS (google it). It is related to stress, nervousness, anxiety, pressure, AND diet. When I have a big old flare, I get pretty much every negative digestive symptom you can imagine (a regular Pepto-Bismol commercial). I've been having major IBS symptoms since the Fall of 2007, but I had a lull of inactivity during the end of last semester and the first part of the summer. I had a flare on Tuesday night. Yeah, the first night of my externship. The following is how my life played out up until this point.

I had a flare a few weeks ago, but it wasn't terrible. However, I had some minor stomach difficulties in the two to three days leading up to my externship. Stress and nervousness are clearly to blame. We left for Philly on Tuesday afternoon. Though we got lost (and ending up in Camden), we somehow managed to find the house in a fairly timely manner. I met Greg, and he was really nice. I met his girlfriend, and she was really nice. We cracked open a beer each (minus his girlfriend, because she had a really bad cold) and began talking about pretty much everything under the sun. We went out to a nice restaurant, which happened to be an old firehouse. Above the giant bar was a huge, mahogany outrigger canoe. We ate outside near a fountain, and I saw a pigeon the size of a full grown rooster. I ordered mussels, which, though not the brightest idea in the world, were very good (probably some of the best I've ever had). We also got dessert, which was an incredible apple crisp served with oats, ice cream, and even a wedge of brownie. I think, by then, I was already having stomach problems, though, as I avoided ordering anything alcoholic, and, instead, stuck to soda.

Around the time we were finishing up with the apple crisp, I began to feel fairly miserable stomach-wise: lots of pain, movement, heartburn, etc. We went back to the townhouse, and it wasn't long before I removed myself from the living room for a less-than-cozy love affair with the second floor bathroom. Among other things, I eventually threw up, and all of this was made much worse by me becoming upset (wouldn't you be if all this shit started to go down right before a great opportunity?). I'm generally used to having someone tend to me during one of these flares, or 'incidents' as I've been calling them. Usually those people are either my mother or Jimmy (and at one point Kimmee, as I would accidentally wake the poor thing up). Needless to say, none of those people were in Philly when this began.

So, I took my medicines. Dicyclomine is usually my godsend... but not this time. It didn't work! It didn't stop anything. I took Zantac for the heartburn, too... and it didn't help, either. The night ticked on, and, as the medicine didn't work, I got more upset. I knew I had to get up really early the next morning, and it was getting later and later, with no sign of the symptoms going away. Eventually, I gave up all hope and got my mother to come pick me up in the middle of the night. I spoke to Greg several times, and he was more than sympathetic and helpful. I don't think I could have imagined a better person to have helped me through this. At around one in the morning, my mother arrived with my sister in tow. They scooped me up and took me back home, with my Dicyclomine finally showing some of the side-effects while I was in the car (several hours after I took it). We got there around three in the morning, and I went to bed shortly after.

Yesterday, I spent much of my time on the couch, nursing my stomach and applying anti-itch medicine to the FIVE giant bug bites I got from sitting near the fountain during dinner on Tuesday. (In fact, I'm on a Benadryl allergy pill right now because the cream stopped working. I am feeling quite drowsy because of that, lol.) My father calls the giant mosquitoes that bit me "Jersey skeeters." I find that hilarious. I feel horrible that I left without fulfilling my responsibilities, but I'm glad that I didn't wait until I'd become a burden during the work day. I emailed the woman from the Center for Career Development, explaining everything that happened. I am going to try and visit Greg and his girlfriend over winter break, if I can, as (prior to the incident and even during) we seemed to get along very well.

In less important news, THEY KICKED OFF PAOLO ON SHEAR GENIUS! *faint* Paolo was my favorite. *cry* How many happy fun gay rockabilly hair dressers do you meet? Also, I think they should have picked the dress with the leather belt (on Project Runway) to be the winner. I would totally have worn that. Been watching the Olympics despite myself and my politics. It's addicting. I hope everyone is doing okay. I wish the best of luck to everyone, I miss you guys so much, and I can't wait to see you in a little over a week!

Like the coldest winter chill... heaven beside you, hell within... and you wish you had it still... heaven inside you...

異常部位 (Location): Unfortunately, Walnutport 気分の状態 (Mood): Embarrassed 音楽療法 (Music): Alice In Chains - Heaven Beside You

Til my legs felt like stone... I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone... at night, I could hear the blood in my veins... as black and whispering as the rain... on the streets of Philadelphia...

My externship at the web design company Happy Cog in Philadelphia starts tomorrow night. The true days are Wednesday through Friday, but I will be, obviously, coming the night before and staying until Saturday morning. I will be staying with the President, a man named Greg Hoy, in his townhouse for that time period. I will be shadowing him and other employees of Happy Cog, which happens to be located in Center City, above a sushi restaurant. I have no idea what to expect, though my mind has attempted to figure that out. I seem to be having a bunch of irrational fears regarding this little endeavor, which is why I am telling you all who I will be staying with. I am excited though, and logically, I expect it to go well.

I will likely have little to no communication from late Tuesday to the middle of Saturday, though, since I have to go online to post my journal entries for the Center for Career Development, I may decide to copypasta them here (and also check my messages). My one logical fear is that I may not be able to sleep properly in Philly, so I will be taking some help for that. I haven't packed at all yet, but I did resynch my Zune.

Yesterday marked only two weeks until I return to Gettysburg. I am so not ready at ALL for that yet, and the fact that I'm going to be gone for a good portion of that time is driving me nuts. I can't believe I'm going to be a senior in college. WHEN THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?! I did, however, buy my textbooks (some from the school, some from Amazon). I managed to save a bunch of money that way, and it looks like this will be the cheapest textbook semester that I will have. Went clothes shopping, too. Got some nice things (many of which will be joining me in Philly).

Wish me luck!

Ain't no angel gonna great me... it's just you and I, my friend... and my clothes don't fit me no more... I walked a thousand miles... just to slip this skin...

異常部位 (Location): Soon to be in Philly 気分の状態 (Mood): Nervous 音楽療法 (Music): Bruce Springsteen - Streets of Philadelphia